Gothic To Me

Oh, the question, "What is goth...?" Plain and simple. To me, it's a way of being. The songs you listen to, the sounds of the music, the stories you like, most of all, the way you live. I like to think I live whimsically and wispy. Dark and wispy comes to mind when I think of goth because of gray smoke. Being gothic is not wearing ONLY black, and listening to the mainstream "goth" bands of the moment. Although, I love to wear romantic head to toe black with red lipstick once in awhile, to me, a goth is more found to explore the underground music and clothing tastes. The music you have to search for. The clothes YOU feel beautiful in. You. Not caring what others think. Almost like finding love. Goth is freedom to be you. Freedom to love cemeteries. Finding them spooky, or finding them quiet and lovely, it is all up to the person.
I grew up listening to Enya, Celtic songs, and being exposed to sullen stories like Jane Eyre through my Mother. Growing up, I just dreamed of living in another world that wasn't this one. Fantasy. I loved dried flowers, and dark colors, sad songs. And of course, I grew up in the 80's, so there was no lack of fantasy movies.
I didn't really think of myself as a goth until I was 14. I met the first boy I fell in love (we are married now.) He was so mysterious, wore all black, and listened to Nine Inch Nails and ethereal music that I had never heard of. It was like a whole new world. Dark and lovely. But at the same time, it was so full of light. I had found my true self.
I will not lie, I have been on occasion a "goth snob." You know, the person who thinks they are the "elder goth," and jests under their breath at other goths they see. Like a better than thou attitude. It's really sad, but I think everyone does that in our subculture. I think it is really present in every subculture that is out there. You just want to feel more important. Like, you have been around longer believing and loving these ideals.
I'm rambling now. The whole point though is being goth is and always be a mindset. A group of likes and dislikes that a certain group shares. I will say it again too: Goth means freedom to not be afraid to be dark and be looked down upon for it. Goth is a feeling. A dark romance with life that is wonderful.